Funny Quotes and Sayings

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils … - Louis Hector Berlioz

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
- Albert Einstein

A rich man’s joke is always funny.
- Proverb

There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
- Franklin

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
- Paul Getty

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Constipated People Don’t Give A crap.
- Anonymous

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
- Issac Asimov

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Man was given a sense of humor to compensate for nature’s law of gravity.

An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep.

Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.

You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be .

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.
- Dan Rather